Ask Mrs. G

My mother is an enabler for my brother who is mentally ill. She makes excuses for everything and covers up things he does mentally, or just plain bad behaviors that need to be addressed. Mom lives alone but when she talks, she uses the word "WE" meaning her and my brother. Mom ignores important issues that I bring to her attention in attempts to try to help my brother and it seems to act like she is in a fairyland where everything is kisses, love and sweetness, but in reality, things with my brothers mental illness are really needing attention. Me and my brothers and sisters tried to get mental help for our brother but my mother blocked our efforts and lied about the seriousness of what he did. She thinks love will make everything better. What can I do?

Signed, The Sane One


Dear Sane one,

It sounds like your mother has let your brothers mental illness take over her life, and she sounds like she might be on the codependant side. Sometimes when single parents have an ill child, it is easier for them to ignore what is wrong, because then they really don't have to deal with the reality of their issues. Sometimes a parent of sick children, get so absorbed into taking care of them, they just can't let go and hold on even tighter. It sounds like if your brother were placed in the care of someone other than your mother, your mother would feel alone and thus the "We" part of her existance would change. Is your brother at risk to harm himself or others? Does your brother live with his mother? Perhaps you could get the both of them to go to some family counceling and bring up the mental health issues as well as your mothers denial in front of a therapist. I can feel your frustration wanting to help your brother but not be able to because your Mother is standing in the way of any progress or help. It sounds like there maybe more than one mental health issue that you are dealing with. Once again, I suggest you try to get into counseling or therapy of some sort. Group or family therapy would be a great starting point.
Best of luck,
Mrs. G